A sudden gallop

Hi Friends

With the school concert last week and all the rain this week, Missy hasn't been able to spend any time at the stables and has been having some serious withdrawal symptoms.

So this afternoon, off we pickled to the stables.  Because everything was soaking, she was allowed to go for an inside-out ride (uh...a ride around the property, not in the road).

Off she goes, having a nice walk.  So her coach and I walk back towards the clubhouse.  Next minute we see Missy and Steadfast streaking down the lane in a gallop!!!!  Its the first time she's done that and it was not exactly planned, but I'm so proud of my Missy - she stayed on and even got him under control again!!!  after that he was in the dog box...and my heart was stuck in my throat...

And how am I feeling, you may ask?  

We had Hubby's long service awards last night.  Was quite a fancy-shmancy event.  So to prevent me from keeling over from exhaustion and landing face first in my starter, I decided to give my meds a skip till we got home.  We had a great time and I was sooooo proud of him when he went onto the stage to shake everyone's hand.  We got home around 10 pm (work night - yes very serious stuff), I took my pills and collapsed into bed, fast asleep.

Unfortunately today I wanted to fall asleep at work all the time.  Exhausted! So when I got home at 2 pm I had myself a catnap.  I felt soooo much better afterwards.  Until I got to the stables and saw Missy streaking down the lane of course!!

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

Feedback from the doctors

Hello there friends

Wednesday turned out to be a very long, stressful day at the hospital.   I had decided to see if I could get in to see my rheumatologist, considering I was going to be in the same hospital, so that I could tell her what my latest status is. 

My appointment with her was at 10 am and we sat with her for a good 45 minutes. Hubby and I described my flare up of Saturday to her. Which led to great concern on her part.  Dr B is a doctor that does not like to prescribe additional or new medicine without a very good reason. She believes in a maintenance regime and will only increase the dosages to get a flare up under control again.  Unfortunately it's the 2nd time in 4 months that she's had to up the doses. Only this time she's increased both the Neurontin and the Venlor. She also took a ton of blood tests to make sure there's nothing she's missing.

From there we went through to the neurologist. For the tingling fingers he performed a neuron test. The signals are all normal.  Good news. Next he had to check the lack of brain functioning (memory loss). So I was sent for a CAT scan.  The thing that tickled me was, when they gave me my scan & report, there was a huge CONFIDENTIAL sticker slapped over the envelope flap. Ok... I'm confused. Who is this so confidential for? Considering its my brain and my medical aid had paid for it, uh... Surely I'm not included in the CONFIDENTIAL mumbo jumbo?

Anyway. The neurologist read the report, looked at the scan and announced... Well you still have a brain in there... No shit Sherlock!

After a discussion it emerged that there is nothing wrong with my brain. Frontal lobes are all there, no shrinkage and the rest of it looks good too.  So the diagnosis...?  I'm stressed. Yes...stressed. 

Its something I find difficult to believe as I've been trying my best not to get upset or stressed since my diagnosis.  But somehow my body seems to disagree.  

So wish me well as I take on this new challenge.

Excitement, excitement and more excitement...

The evenings this week all revolve around Missy and her school play.  Their performances are from Monday to Thursday and again next Monday.  This morning they also had a show for the elderly. So, as with all performances, we have to be at the school at 6 pm.  Then they join the conveyor line otherwise known as the make-up queue.  After make-up they get changed into their costumes. And then we wait...

The concert starts at 7 pm.  Our class goes on at 7:45 pm.  Then its back to the classroom to get changed out of the costumes and we get to take the children home.

As for the rest of the week... We have been having the most wonderful rain showers.  The grass is so green and everything is growing.  But its not all sunshine and roses.  Because, unfortunately when it rains so much other things cannot be done.  

My body has never really been affected by cold weather and rain etc.  Rather I get affected by heat, especially when the sun shines directly on my chest.  But I have to wonder if my pain this weekend didn't have something to do with the impending rain storms.

Hold thumbs for me tomorrow...
I'm off to the Neurologist - a referral from Dr B, my Rheumatologist.  Hopefully he can explain why my memory has become so bad.  While I'm at the hospital I'm going to see Dr B and tell her everything that I experienced this weekend.  

My condition has definitely deteriorated the past 2 months.  there has to be something we can do to keep my condition under control.

Keep me in your thoughts.  I think I'm really going to need it.

A Terrible Flare-up

Hello Friends

After a week off work nursing my back, I had to do a lot of catching up when I went back to work on Monday.  Unfortunately my deteriorating memory let me down badly & I battled to remember a lot of the goings-on which led to some pretty embarrassing moments.  But in the end I managed to get through it all with my ego bruised but dignity somewhat intact.  But the effort & excitement of everything that happened had its repercussions.

On Friday evening my legs started paining from top to bottom.  I had stabbing & burning pains all the way up to my thighs.  My left waist ached.  Oh and of course my back was still not completely well yet, so that I also had to endure.

Yesterday morning when I woke I felt like I'd been hit by a bus - a double decker bus towing a train....  My body ached all over.  My legs, sides, lower back, chest, lower ribs, between my shoulders & neck were in the worst pain.  My head felt like it wanted to explode each time I coughed or lent over - and it wasn't my blood pressure.  To put the cherry on the top, my finger tips had gone completely numb.  When I touched them I could feel pressure from below, but no sensation as per normal.  This was by far the worst flare up I have ever had.  In my pain scale this one was a very high 8.

But because things had to be done in the garden, and the electrician was in to do work, each time I tried to rest (much to some peoples disgust) I was called out again to agree to things.  

In the afternoon I took Missy to school for her concert practise.  When I came home I was finally able to collapse into bed for 1,5 hours.  What a pleasure.  I didn't want to wake up.

The way I was feeling I was certainly in no mood to cook so we got pizza takeaway.  I eventually collapsed into bed.  then in the middle of the night I woke up to find my pyjamas were completely soaked in sweat from top to bottom!  I never realised it was possible for a person's entire leg to sweat!  I got changed into new pyjamas and went back to sleep.  

This morning I woke feeling slightly better.  My legs, lower back & side are still the main cause of my pain, but at least my head doesn't feel like a time bomb waiting to go off.  And I'm taking it easy. 

This morning I was asked why I'm always OK during the week but always sick and in pain on the weekend.  The truth is... at work I'm expected to perform.  I have a job to do & it's not in me not to do it to the best of my ability.  Also, its not common knowledge to people at work (apart from a handful) that I am ill.  But by a Thursday evening my pain has generally reached a level where I cannot continue without the assistance of pain relief (and I try to deal with the pain on my own for as long as I possibly can).  So by Friday I'm climbing the walls (thank goodness for half day Fridays). 

Therefore, when its weekend, I have a chance to wind down and regenerate.  Yes, my family suffers because of it at times, but its the only time I have available.  This is not an illness which will ever go away.  There is no miracle pill.  No fairy god mother to wave her wand.  Its something my family & I have to come to terms with & deal with.  There is only so much sick leave to take in a year and only so much that an employer will take before questions start being asked.  

So... to all you "Normals" out there - I urge you to think before you criticise someone when you don't have all the facts.  Your comments hurt... a lot...

Back to normal life

Its Monday and back to normal life for me again...

After spending the last week in bed, I have to admit that I was rather looking forward to seeing some other scenery apart from the 4 walls of my room.  And a good day it was...

I've also decided that it's time for me to get more positive...so from now on I'm purposefully going to try and identify something positive that has happened each day.  So what is today's pearl?  I took part in an inspection this morning.   I walked down the passage, into someone's office, and was met by the most beautiful view. her outer office door was open so I walked out, into the sunniest courtyard.  Imagine pulling up a chair, connecting to wifi, and sitting in the garden doing your work?  Couldn't think of anything better!

And with the heat we're having, this evening we got to have dinner under the stars again!  We are so privileged to live in a country & continent that has such wonderful weather.

As for my back... its much better thank you.  It does remind me that it's still there every now and then, but nowhere near as bad as it was last week.!  Now for that I'm EXTREMELY grateful.

A personal thank you

Dear friends...

In times of need, you truly find out who the special people in your life are.  This week was one of those times...

To the team who did the amazing job of Missy's birthday cake, and all the accessories, thank you.  You have come to my rescue before, in times of ill health.  You helped make Missy's birthday unforgettable, and for that I am grateful.

To everyone who contacted me to see how I was doing, whether it was in person or online, thank you.  

A very special thank you to Hubby, Missy, my parents, sisters & cousin. You have all been there for me, wishing me on, through all the pain.  For that I am truly grateful.

I saw Doc K yesterday and got the all clear to go back to work on Monday.  then the physiotherapy can kick in and balance will be restored as best it can.

I wish you all a very blessed weekend.  

An emotional goodbye

Dear Friends...

This morning was a particularly difficult one for me.  It was my friend's funeral. In 2009 she was diagnosed with Leukaemia.  Then in 2010, a miracle happened.  She found a donor, in Germany, and had a bone marrow transplant.  My friend was a true fighter.  She battled with all the effects of graft vs host and what it did to her body.  She had good days and bad days.  Unfortunately her body was not able to fight the bad days as well and they started to outweigh the good ones.  She passed away on Saturday afternoon.

At 11 am we said our farewells to her.  Her husband, daughter (9 years old), father, brother and the rest of her family were totally distraught.  My heart went out to them.

Goodbye my friend... till we meet again.

I'm scared you're going to die...

On Monday I had an appointment with Doc K to see what's causing the intense pain in my lower back.  Seems I have a pinched nerve between the L5 & S1 vertebrae.  I may have the diagnosis & the medication to help reduce the swelling of the nerve but I'm still in huge pain. Hopefully all the medication will start to have an effect from this evening.

Missy said something to me last night which disturbed me greatly.  Most of the time I work through the pain and fatigue and only head for my bedroom when it's too much for me to bear.  Unfortunately that has been happening far too often this last month.  to make matters worse, I've got to stay in bed till the end of the week when my back will hopefully have recovered enough for me to continue with my normal life.

Then last night Missy said something to me which disturbed me greatly.  She came into my room, got into my bed, and said,

Mommy I'm scared you're going to die because you are in so much pain.

 That comment broke me.  I took her into my arms, and held her tightly, assuring her that my condition is not one that you die from.  I'm not going anywhere for a long time.

How does one respond to that type of question?  To look in your child's eyes and tell her it all going to be alright? 

This is a truly horrible condition...

Sites and sounds at the doctors office

When I'm out and about one of the things I enjoy doing, is watching people.  Its like watching a movie.  People fascinate me with the things they do and say, don't say and what their body language says.  Tone of voice is even better.

Lets take a visit to the doctor's office, for instance - where I was this morning.  And please, I do not mean to offend anyone, but I'm simply making an observations...

It doesn't matter how ill I am (and I've been to see my doc whilst giving birth to a kidney stone) I will still try to put a smile on my face.  The doc knows I'm sick (why else would I be to see him if I wasn't?)  

But then you also get those individuals who have to ensure that EVERYONE knows they are unwell.

Take for instance the lady sitting opposite me. She has a thick bandage on her lower leg. She has had a procedure or injury that she needs checked up on.  But she looks so bloody depressed!

Then there's the gent sitting next to me (no he can't read what I'm writing). He's reading his email and falling asleep. And he's relatively happy.

What I'm trying to get at is... 

The doctor sees unwell people every day of his life. Can you imagine what it must be like seeing the same facial expression person after person, day after day? When I'm in to see my doc I make a point of shaking his hand, asking him how he's feeling and how his day has been. And in my small way I hope to brighten his day up, even of it is just for a few minutes. 

As for my own visit to my Doc...
My back pain is as a result of a pinched nerve. So now I've been relegated to my bed for a week.  humph...