Dealing with pain

After the goings on of the last week, I suppose its to be expected that I'm not really feeling so great.

I have spent the entire day in bed... My back has been so excruciatingly sore.  Every time I turned over in bed I was in pain.  When I tried to get up I was in pain.  When I took a step... I was in pain.  I'm in so much pain I want to cry.  And yes...I have taken all the pills I am allowed.  If I take anymore I'll overdose.  which won't be a good thing and still won't take all my pain away coz they don't take the pain away totally!!

Sorry if it feels like i'm ranting a bit, but I'm just so demoralised at the moment.

In Memorium

This morning I received some truly bad news.  A friend, Fatima, passed away yesterday afternoon - losing her fight with leukaemia.

Farewell my friend...

Fatima & her daughter in 2010

Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem...

This is to true...

Here's to the past...

Enough already...

Sorry that I haven't posted for a while, but it's been 1 hell of a week.  

After the long weekend, I was ready for work on Tuesday.  I felt refreshed and rearing to go.  Unfortunately by the end of the day that had all changed again.

Work started to get to be its normal demanding self again.  Fibro decided it didn't like the competition for centre of attention and so started throwing a tantrum of note.  As a result, by Wednesday afternoon my lower back was was spasming so badly that it was a battle to take a few steps.  

It was Missy's birthday on Thursday, so on Wednesday afternoon Hubby, Missy & I trundled off to our local Mall to get her a prezzie, some groceries & (why ever not) some clothes...  I was in so much pain walking back to the car that i think a toddler could've run faster that what i was walking.  In the end i landed up using my walking stick at home, just to try and get around.  the truly sad part of this story is that I haven't had the need for it since January.

Missy's birthday cake

I always bake Missy's birthday cake for her. I have only ever once not done so, and that was when I first got sick in 2008.  This time around it was just as bad. I'm so exhausted and in so much pain, that having to bake a cake & ice it (something that generally takes me 2 to 3 days to do - yes I'm a perfectionist) is more than I have the mental or physical energy for right now.  Oh... and did I mention that I have to try figure out how my new oven works?!  Baking a birthday cake is not the time to test run it.

3 week lion cub

A while ago I asked Missy what theme she wanted for her party this year.  The answer?  Leaves.  How do you incorporate leaves into a 9 year old's party?!  So Hubby and I agreed on option 2...  A lion farm.  And in keeping with the theme, we went minimalistic.  A braai (barbecue) of boerewors rolls (hotdog rolls filled with long sausage) and birthday cake.  The kids got to swim in the pool, play on the trampoline and we all went on a tour.  Missy even got to hold a 3 week old lion cub.  Too cute!

But, even though we had a lovely day, through it all my pain was there.  It got progressively worse as the day went on.  Someone asked how I can continue even though I'm in pain.  The truth is, people only tend to see me when I am able to control it.  and it takes a lot to do that.  So much so, that when I get home, I tend to collapse, either into bed, or into the bath and then bed.  

This is not a pretty illness.  But I make do with what I have.

Back to the grindstone

When I think of a relaxing place, the sea always does it for me.  Really hypnotising...

After a lovely long weekend, it was back to the grindstone today.  I must admit, the extra day we had yesterday definitely helped me & I was ready to head back.

It was a busy weekend, with Hubby & I going on a bit of a shopping spree looking for items for our new home.  But even though we were having a bit of "us" time (it was also our wedding anniversary) Fibro wouldn't give me any time off.  My lower back was in agony, with the pain spreading down to my legs.  Not so great when you trying to spend lots of moola :-)

With yesterday being a public holiday I made the most of it by spending most of the morning in bed.  What a difference that makes!  Even if Hubby doesn't always understand.  and to be totally honest, I can't really blame him.  How is it possible for someone to be ok 1 minute, and then dying of pain the next?  

Welcome to my world.  

The harsh reality of Fibromyalgia

This is the harsh reality of Fibromyalgia.  These are all of the pills I have to take on a monthly basis. Most of these pills are to try control my condition.  When they don't work as well, or I have a flare up,  I'm forced to take others in an attempt to control the pain.   And then of course there's the mega doses of vitamin D because this wonderful condition has a problem with that vitamin.  Not to mention the fact that Fibro doesn't believe in letting a person sleep at night so the muscle relaxants have to help with that too.

Having to deal with this on a continuous basis is enough to make a person completely depressed.  Which many Fibro sufferers are.  Thank goodness I'm not there yet.  But it takes a lot of strength, internal control, understanding from Hubby & Missy and help from above, that this is possible.

Now I'm going to have a very large glass of wine...think I deserve it.

Happy anniversary

Today is my wedding anniversary. Hubby & I have been married for 11 years! Goodness but it feels like we've been together for a lifetime.

But even though we've been through VERY tough times I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing.

Love you Darlin!

Its Friday and a looooong weekend

This is such an awesome photo

I have a sore head

Today was an interesting day.  Had lots to do to keep me busy.  I haven got to catch up with old friends and work colleagues.  Unfortunately my body decided to make its feeling regarding this very productive day known rather clearly.  At approximately 11 am I suddenly started feeling exceptionally tired.  So much so that I just wanted to lay my head down and pass out.  Well that didn't happen, for obvious reasons.  And as if that wasn't bad enough I got the mother of all headaches this afternoon.  Picture this: right side of nose, right brow & cheekbone and back side of head all screaming of pain.  Not a pretty sight.  So when I got home I took the mandatory handful of pills and jumped straight into a piping hot bath.  And that's where I'm writing my blog from...with my head submerged in the water.


I recently decided that, with all the gumph I'm saddled with, recognising a shiny moment each day would go a long way in lifting my spirits.  So today's moment...

I walked out of a building this afternoon.  We had just got through a thunderstorm.  The view that met me was stunning.  The angry clouds had moved on further so where the backdrop to my canvas.  But the sun had come out again and was reflecting on the buildings and structures in front of me.  It looked beautiful.  A true shiny moment.

A tough week

It's been a rough week. We spent last week moving from our old home to the new house. Thursday afternoon my Mom & Boet arrived for my uncle's funeral. Friday the movers arrived, they came to install the house phone on our new place & we had a 1 hour trip for the funeral. Goodness! Talk about hectic!

The week took its toll on me. I fell on Friday morning, hurting my back. It got worse and by Sunday I battled to get my arse out of bed.

But it's all done and finished. Now I get to relax in my bed with a glass of red wine. Wonderful.

A special day

15 years ago, today, Hubby & I met. Back then neither of us would've believed you if you had told us we'd be here where we are today. What have we been through together... Marriages... Divorces... Miscarriages... Aneurisms... Babies... Fibromyalgia... Yes, even that.

Had we have known what we would be up against, would we have ventured down this road we've mapped for ourselves? Probably not. But then.... Isn't it these things which make or break us?

Yesterday was 1 of those days. The day started out ok but got worse the further on we went. My legs started paining terribly with a stabbing pain in my lower hip. I wanted to pass out I was so tired. My muscles felt terrible. I eventually decided to go home and passed out for an hour. Then it was back to packing our stuff from the old house and unpacking it again in the new house.

Man I'll be so glad when this is all done.

In memory ...

This morning I received bad news. My uncle had passed away at the age of 91. Truly sad.

Rest in peace Oom Ben.

My mood suits the weather

I was woken with a shock this morning when Missy came into our room to get dressed for school. Only then did I realise that my cell phone alarm clock decided to switch itself off at 3 am. How inconsiderate if it. Hmph... And the weather was crappy. All grey and cloudy.

Good morning world.

I saw a work colleague (and close friend) today to ask advice regarding applying for voluntarily disability. Ever since my condition has deteriorated its been playing over in my mind more and more. But now it's got to a point where I can't put it off anymore. So... My buddy gave me lots of advice. All of which was good... And so... I'm seeing the doc on Friday. Yes. Yet another doctor. The down side of the discussion was it left me rather emotional. And I don't like getting emotional at work. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't like getting teary emotional. Venting & tempers comes with the territory of being me.

So when I got back to the office my mood reflected the gloomy sky. Rather grey & depressing. So I went shopping. And it was for overalls. How desperate must 1 get to feel better? But it worked. Hahaha

As for my pain. Pretty moderate so nothing out of the ordinary.

Blue Monday

Mondays are not generally my favourite. I prefer to stay cuddled up in bed. At least I had a good night's sleep.

After constantly phoning and getting an engaged tone, I managed to FINALLY get an appointment with the Neurologist. I don't know if I should be happy or sad. I'm nervous... I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 44 days without going mad.

The pain this morning has been horrible. A good 7⃣. So I took some of my happy pills and now I want to pass out from the exhaustion. it's not helping my muscles either. Walking up & down stairs, or simply just sitting at my desk, made me feel like I'd run a marathon. My muscles were absolutely exhausted.

When I got home all I wanted to do was flop down in my bed. Unfortunately we had packing to do so I couldn't. But Hubby agreed to do a smaller room and after we got it sorted I was able to climb into bed. Oh man. My muscles!!

Sunday in the sun

Missy was up early this morning. She was so excited about the horse jumping competition. Nice early start to the day. Only thing is... We had to be at the stables at 8 am. So much for sleeping in. .

When we got to the stables I started unpacking the printer & computer. All of a sudden I had people wanting things from me. As if that wasn't enough, the speaker system was screeching the whole time. I felt like I wanted to scream. The noise was getting to me so badly. I eventually went to the car to get my pain pills. After they kicked in I started feeling better.

But you know what the best part of the day was? Being around the horses. When ever I have a bad day & I fetch Missy from the stables I sit relaxing. It's such good therapy. Missy was amazing in the competition. She has perfect rounds both times!

At least my rib pain went away.